Knock! Knock! Motherf'cker!

A few months back on the Knot's destination weddings community board, another bride posted a link to a blog that she said made her laugh so hard she cried.  I myself, love a good "laughed so hard that I cried" that I had to read it.  I, too laughed so hard that I cried.  Then I tried to get Drew to read it, but he was to "busy" with something (in the bathroom) and I knew that he couldn't wait to hear the blog so I read it out loud to him. Or at least, I tired to. I kept laughing so hard I could barely breath. Which makes it very hard to read aloud. Still through my tears and laughter, he laughed pretty hard too. This blog was our first encounter with Beyonce. 


If you haven't read this blog. I highly recommend it.  I have revisited it more than once and I still cry with laughter each time I do. Do yourself a favor and go here now! My only complaint about the blog is that Beyonce is actually not a big metal chicken, but a big metal COCK! Even better, in my book!


Some time passes after first reading about Beyonce and as good as it is, I kind of forget about it.  Then one day I am meeting my friend Lise for lunch, round a corner and BAM! There's Beyonce standing there on the corner just waiting for me.  With rocks on her feet even! That's when I first become obsessed with Beyonce. 

Knock! Knock! Motherf'ckers!

I text Drew to let him know I just found a Beyonce and send him the picture.  I also let him know how much I "need" one.  How the blog was wrong because 4 years, not 15, is really big metal cock.  Everyone knows that! And he must go with me to look at it after he gets home from work. Which of course, he does. 


By the time we get down to the shop, I have Drew fully convinced that we do "need" a big metal cock for the yard. He could keep guard next to the front door. He'd keep evil salespeople and children out of our yard and we could hang a small black board around his neck to leave our friends notes. Since our friends are so awesome, they would all love Beyonce and they would leave us notes back. 


So Drew's fully on board with this big meal cock as we round the corner and his face drops.  He asks, "That's it? That's the big metal cock?" "But it isn't big enough." And he was right. It wasn't big enough. It was only 3 feet tall. We need one that's at least 5 feet tall. 


Now I really want a Beyonce of my own. I envision all the things I will do with it and all of the joy it will bring to our lives. I search for big metal chicken and big metal cock on-line, but it doesn't give me much.  It brings up the original blog, some small kitchen chickens and some wall art.  Not at all what I am looking for. Then I come up with the best idea ever!


I added Beyonce to our wedding registry! Yes, I did! You can check it out here. I know I will come across another and I need to be prepared with the cash when I do. I'm sure someone is going to want Drew and I to have the joy of a big metal cock at our front door!


A little more time goes by and Drew and I are driving down the road to Tillamook. Yesterday, actually. We see this crazy store called Flamingo Jim's and are both frantically scanning what's in the front yard of this place when Drew yells out, "They have big metal cocks!" He slams on his brakes, turns around in the street and pulls into a parking stop.  I am so excited I jump out and go running over.  Finally! A Beyonce of our own!

Oh, sweet Beyonce! How I have longed for you!

As I am running over, I suddenly stop in horror. Beyonce has a tag on her that reads "SOLD"! Say it isn't so! I finally find the Beyonce of my dreams and she's sold! I think about removing the tag. I think about sticking it on something else or just crumbling it up and sticking it into my pocket. But, I can't do it. My dreams of owning a Beyonce of our own are once again, CRUSHED!


I go in to talk to the guy about the oil drum "roosters" he has outside and try to get any information I can out of him about them.  He tells me that they've been there for about 4 months and he had others, but they all sold. That's the last of them. But they sold so well, he's planning on getting in more next year! This is music to my ears and I run off to share the glorious news with Drew. We, of course, make plans to come back next year and I will be stalking them with phone calls until then to check-up on the arrival of our Beyonce. 

Until next year, my sweet Beyonce, when that tag reads "SOLD" for me!